Extispicy: Norman Day

June 14, 2003

Norman Day

Today is the 10th anniversary of my friend Norman's death.

Yesterday, I went to visit his niche at the Columbarium. (See this archived entry from 2002 for a little more about Norman's niche in the Columbarium -- incidentally, the Bastille Day flag mentioned in that entry is still there, I'm pleased to report).

As I felt I should mark the occasion with some sort of 10th anniversary offering, I left him a pink elephant swizzle stick in his flower vase. Why that? Just seemed appropriate somehow. Pink elephants (and just generally swizzle sticks for that matter) seemed appropriate somehow for someone whose ashes are residing in a martini shaker. Oh, and there's that whole bit about how elephants never forget, ya know, which seemed highly apropos for the occasion. As well as at least a half-dozen other favorable metaphorical allusions involving elephants I probably could cough up, if pressed, but I won't.

To be honest, the reason I chose it is that it was the thing I found lying around in the junk in my room yesterday morning that happened to jump out at me and say "This. This one is it." Yeah, flowers are a more traditional offering for such circumstances, I guess, but I usually tend to proffer ephemeral flotsam rather than ephemeral flora when I go about paying homage or respect. An urban vs. bucolic response, I guess? Kinda like that line in a Frank O'Hara poem that goes "I can't even enjoy a blade of grass unless I know there's a subway handy, or a record store or some other sign that people do not totally regret life." (from "Meditations in an Emergency" -- which can be found online here.)

So. That's what I took to Norman's niche with a little message tied around the stem of the stick as well. Yes, I realize passing notes to the dead tends to be ineffectual (on all sorts of levels) and admitting to it will simply cause others to think I'm daft (if they didn't already). Those in the more scientifically-logical belief camp would think I'm daft because the dead, once dead, are incapable of reading (amongst other things) and those who are more spiritually or cosmically-inclined might be likely to point out that disincorporated loved ones wouldn't need the formality of a physical note as a method of communication.

Which do I believe? Neither. Both. My actual beliefs tend to be far more convoluted than even -- well -- my prose sometimes. Thus, I will refrain today from inflicting them (the beliefs, at any rate) on you. Although I'll show you a copy of the note, just because:

__________________________

I know my mention of this anniversary is likely to startle those old friends of mine and Norman's who do drop in to glance at this blog from time to time ("It's been ten years?? Already?? No way!" I can hear them now.) And it is to them that I write the following: now that I've probably induced a little melancholy pang in your heart by mentioning the occasion and you're thinking of Norman, why don't you hit the little comment link below this entry and leave a little note telling a favorite memory or anecdote of yours about Norman? You know as well as I do that Norman always liked to be talked about and yearned to become a mythic figure of some sort. So ... c'mon, indulge -- indulge yourself, indulge me, and indulge Norman.

Posted by m bat on June 14, 2003 09:58 AM | TrackBack
categories: friends + cohorts

Comments

Ah Norman! I love that you put a pink elephant swizzle stick for memory this time. Wonderful!

I still enjoy re-reading Antagonistic Pedestrian. And all the nights in the corner booth at DuNord sort of merge into one colorful, witty, energetic, blur of fabulousness.

As for life going one, well, I'm convinced that everytime something scandalous happens to us, around us, or because of us -- I know you are there whispering encouragement and witticisms in our ears! I can even hear a snicker or two...

Miss you, Norman.

Elizabeth

Posted by: hespeth on June 16, 2003 09:43 AM

Thank you for helping us remember your friend and our son, Norman. Lacking in imagination, the flowers are often left by us or my sister (Norman's favorite aunt)who lives in Richmond. I hope that I got things reasonable correct in the memorial piece that we had published in the Chronicle (6/14/03). If not, you may set the record straight.
Lyle Whited

Posted by: Lyle & Jacque Whited on June 18, 2003 12:41 PM

I was about five minutes late to the Du Nord table to meet Norman, and I am still vexed to this day at missing this opportunity. But you once told me, since my arrival at Table 40 rather coincided with the departure of another, that N. had a hand in our introduction, and for that, I will be eternally grateful to this amazing person whom I never met ... in the flesh, anyway. Requiscat in iuniperus. (Rest In Gin.)

Posted by: Marquis on June 26, 2003 09:15 AM

I just wanted to provide a little addendum to this post and mention that after Norman's parents posted a comment in this blog, we swapped some emails where we spoke of Norman, of course.

Last week, Norman's father sent me an email to tell me that they had been up in SF recently and on their visit to the Columbarium graciously had the pink elephant swizzle stick I left in the flower vase actually put in the niche itself.

Cheers!

Posted by: M Bat on August 13, 2003 11:01 AM

thank

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